So This Is How It’s Gonna Be

. . . all I could do was shake my head and say, “What in the world have we gotten ourselves into?!?”

This past weekend, Vik and I travelled to Virginia to visit with my family.  It was very relaxing, and a lot of fun.  While there, we got to tell my Mom’s parents (Meemaw and PawPaw) and my brother and sister-in-law that we are expecting. We were very excited to share the news with them, and they were even more excited to hear it!

On Monday (Labor Day) we enjoyed a cookout at my parent’s house, complete with ribs, three types of salads, and two types of pies.  I definitely ate for at least four that day!

The only bad part of the whole trip occurred during the cookout, when I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding.  After sitting in the bathroom for several minutes trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that what I was experiencing was completely innocuous and normal, I admitted defeat and went to get Vik.  Once we were alone, I told him what happened and then completely broke down, sobbing and praying that our baby would be okay.

Vik, although clearly distressed, stayed remarkably calm for my benefit, and for that I am infinitely grateful.  He went and got his laptop and began searching for information, and even though most of what he found was reassuring, there were plenty of sites that said that “any bleeding is cause for concern” and that we should “seek prompt medical attention.”  However, because there was not much we could do at the time (we were 800 miles away from my doctor, and I did not want to tell my family what was going on, lest I cause them [hopefully] unnecessary worry), we agreed to just put our party faces back on and rejoin the cookout.

The next morning, Vik was supposed to fly out on business and I was supposed to fly home, but Vik instead cancelled his trip and flew home with me.  As soon as we landed, we contacted my doctor, who promptly and graciously agreed to get me in for an ultrasound ASAP.  Thankfully, the ultrasound revealed that everything was just perfect, and that Little Bean was safe, sound, and completely healthy!  The doctor has no idea what caused the bleeding, but he assured me that it “just happens sometimes” and that in most cases, it does not signal that anything is wrong.

I will say that when Little Bean popped up on the ultrasound screen, rolling around, waving her (or his) arms and kicking her legs, I was struck not only by a profound sense of relief, but also by just how unconcerned and unaffected she seemed.  There Vik and I were, exhausted from a sleepless night, stomaches knotted in worry, with (in my case) eyes puffy from crying, and there she was, lounging around in my belly without a care in the world.  Vik said that this was a glimpse of what the rest of our lives will be like — us constantly worrying (is she making friends at school, is she wearing her seatbelt and checking her blind spots, is she eating enough, is she working too hard, and so on), and her completely oblivious to all of the (rational and, probably more often, irrational) distress she is causing!

To this, all I could do was shake my head and say, “What in the world have we gotten ourselves into?!?”

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One Response to So This Is How It’s Gonna Be

  1. amylynnp says:

    Glad to hear everything is okay! And you have no clue what you are in for 🙂 You’ll figure out all sorts of crazy things to worry about. Let me tell you, the first time I saw Madeline rejected by another child (which she was oblivious to) I wanted to go lock myself in my bedroom and cry like a big baby, either that or go beat the kid up!

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